I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
