Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
