My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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