my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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