I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
