god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
