We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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