he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
