Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
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Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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