It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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