I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
