i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
