I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
