Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
