The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
