Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
