Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
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