You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
