I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
