he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize