yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize