Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize