If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
