So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
