You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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