I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
