Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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