The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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