How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
