in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
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the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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