Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
