I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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