He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
