I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
