I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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