I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
