I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
