I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
