So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
