with your own penis?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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