i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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