The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just google imaged poop.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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