i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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