Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
