sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
