i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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