Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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