So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
