Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
