i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
