five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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