So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
