this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Randomize
