I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
