I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i think i have two assholes
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
