I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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