Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize