Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
