I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
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