Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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