Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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