I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
