call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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