yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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