I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Randomize
