I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
