When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
