dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
