I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
