She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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