May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
