Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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