i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
