So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
