I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
