I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
