Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
