Where is the hickey?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
