Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
