Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
