The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
